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You Know Your Portuguese When...

You have an uncle Joe, Tony, or Joao

You somehow know people with last names like Cabral, Soares, Medeiros, Amaral or Sousa

Your dad is a construction worker

Your moms name is Maria somethng

Your mother either cleans houses, babysits, or works in a factory

You have a room in your house where no one is allowed to go to or be in (the one that has your picture from first communion)

You have so many cousins you dont remember half their names

Going to Portugal involves buying gifts for every person in your 100 member family

When you were little a wooden spoon or daddys belt meant a slap on the ass

Guys.. you try and do the "messy backstreet boy hair" thing, but you just end up looking like every other "chop" haha

You hardly ever speak english at home

You talk with your hands

You mix both english and portuguese when speaking

You start off every sentence with "Eh pa" and end it with just "pa"

You have two kitchens but the one upstairs is just there to collect dust and everyone uses the crappy one downstairs lol

Your house has 4 floors (Old houses)

Your dad built the basement with his own 2 hands (which isn't finished)

You eat seafood (or any food) with your hands

Your grandma is the BEST cook in the world

You love pao com manteiga e queijo, bacalhau, malassada e chorisso

A barbeque does not consist of burgers on the grill.. Hello! can you say sardinhas?

You have a rooster napkin holder in the kitchen

You have GRAPES FAVAS and FIGS growing in your backyard

Anyone in your family makes wine or sausage

You dip stale bread in a meat sauce and enjoy it

You always fought with Mae e Pai not to go to portuguese school when you were little

Every member of your family has their own spot to sit at the dinner table

Your dad has bread and wine at EVERY dinner

Your whole family eats together at every dinner

Your parents complain and lecture you about what life was like back in Portugal

You have a picture of the Last Supper in the kitchen or somewhere in your house

Your room/the house has to be perfect or your mom will make you clean it again

You have plates on your walls

You spend 80% of the day cleaning the house

You have those white doilie things on top of the dressers and tables

You have pictures or statues of saints and Jesus all around the house

You have the good furniture covered in plastic

You have hours and hours of tape from all the kids baptisms, communions, etc

Your house has more plants in it than outside of it

Your dad is outside 24/7 planting or making something

You think that 2am is too early to go to bed and that 11am is to early to get out of bed

You notice everyone in your family over in Portugal has a brand new car but not enough money to come visit you here for a change

You kiss on both cheeks not one when greeting other portuguese people

You have been in at least ONE festa parade dressed in a gown or suit

At your church they have percesions with men carrying a statue of Jesus or Mary

Christmas eve is more important than the actual Christmas day

You know and own all of Jorge Ferreira's or Starlight's albumns

You dont get any money from your parents but you work your ass off

You meet a really hot portuguese guy/girl and then later find out their your cousin (Hate when that happens lol)

Your thinking of buying a suped up Honda off your uncle for a cheap hundred bucks

You listen to portuguese music secretly on your own time (Ehh thats ok! Be proud! lol)

Your dad tells you he has picked your future husband and says you have an arranged marriage (Girls only)

Your mom tells you to avoid the portuguese guys cuz they're the worst (Haha just kidding guys) (Girls only)

Your never allowed to go to sleepovers or parties

Your family loves futebol aka soccer

Your family worships Figo, Ronaldo, Costa

Your 25 year old brother still lives at home with you and you're parents

You have a big screen tv not to mention surround sound

There is a fuseball table in the living room

Non-portuguese people can't understand your dad at all cuz of his accent (Omg so true haha)

Your laughing at the end of this because you no none of it is a word of a lie>

Here's Some Jokes On Us Wops!

1.Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

Christmas Italian Style

'Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda my pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"
When what to my
Wonderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!
Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
Don Santa wuz here,
And he brought all da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"
As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"

I AM ITALIAN (just incase ur wonderin im italian and portuguese)

I'm not a construction worker, a brick layer or a school janitor.
I don't live in a basement,
I don't eat pasta every night.
And I don't drive a Camaro.
And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Woodbridge, Although I'm certain they're very very hairy people.
I drink wine...not beer.
I don't use utensils for pizza.
I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
And I pronounce it ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the World Cup.
Gelato IS ice cream,
Biscotti ARE cookies
and Pavarotti IS the best of the three tenors,
and it IS pronounced Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta,
Broo-SKETTA!!!
Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear,
The FIRST nation of soccer,
And the BEST part of Europe!!
My name is Giuseppe!!!
AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!
Grazie.